alone on a saturday night

im at home all alone on a saturday night. well, its not just tonight thats making me depressed. i've kinda been at home for two days not doing anything. both nights noone was even on AIM. now thats something. it seems like everyone is out having fun or has family over cuz christmas is in two days. I'm at home all alone. i dont even have my family here cuz theyre out having fun. my dad asked me to go with him to the spectrum but i said i didnt want to go out. the truth was that i didn't want to go hang out with him. i really dont enjoy it because he gets really childish. It seems like everything i do gets on his nerves and he can never have a real conversation with me becasue he always has to be right about everything. If he can't win an arguement he'll say that his point is right and y do i have to argue with everything he says. I don't argue. i rarely even say anything to him nowadays becaue i've just given up. He also seems to hate me because every little thing i do he gets pissed. Even if he doesnt say that hes mad he'll have this face on that says he's pissed. He's kinda like a little kid, he'll say that he's fine or not answer ur questions when u ask whats wrong but he'll be pissed. Then he'll go on not answering me about anything, ignoring me when i say things he doesn't want to hear or ignoring me to "get back at me". He says that i give him the "silent treatment" when in fact i always answer what he says. the person that actually does ignore him and not answer is my brother, who by the way, he loves. the only reason i'm staying over at his house is becasue i feel bad for him because ive been staying at my moms for awhile. Ive been trying to convince myself that it was becasue everyone else had school but i really wouldnt mind that. It would actually be better for me because i would have the house to myself without any parents. this is so lame. why can't my dad just act like the adult he is instead of having this childish behavior.

WINTER BREAK

WINTER BREAK!!!!! lol, its winter break. and ive finished writing 1st drafts of my college essays. i'm excited.

FUCKING BITCH

winter formal

It's kind of depressing how everyone has a date to winter formal and everything. or at least has someone they want to ask. right now the only person i want to ask i cant really becasue we broke up already. It's kind of killing me. I don't know if shed say yes even if i did ask her but im afraid to ask. not becasue im afraid of the rejection, that i can handle, mostly becasue im half expecting it, but im afraid that itll remind her or watever about the whole relationship and breakup and remind her that i still like her. i also dont want her to feel like going out with me again or anything, becasue frankly, she seems happier when im not around. she'd probly have a much better time at winter formal if i wasnt going with her. ahh fuck.