by myself

It took quite awhile for me to realize this. You're pretty good at acting but the truth has finally shown through. Didn't realize until recently that you wouldn't hesitate to drop me or leave me behind if it means something more for you. I don't know, maybe it's just the culture you've come from or the friends you keep but this has completely caught me from behind. I always thought that a person shouldn't leave their friends behind or even those that they've made promises to. If you're going to bail, at least make sure the other person has a contingency plan. Even if it means being disadvantaged or making your life a little bit harder, at the very least try to think about me. I'm so unimportant that you don't even feel guilty of leaving me behind. You even think I'm trying to push you out of the arrangement and take your place. Who do you think I am? You? I wouldn't do that, I have higher standards for myself. I wouldn't even do what you did to someone I don't tell everyone I think is significant.

When your argument for blowing me off is that you already told others that you would go with them, it hurts. Especially because, when you agreed to me first, it means I am infinitely less important than the others. You arn't afraid of offending me because I hold no importance. I'm just your amusement for the moment and you'll just drop me when the time comes, when something better comes along or I seem to be slowing you down.

You say you care about me but then don't show it. Your words say I'm worth something but your actions say I'm worthless. You've talked about how no one came to your aid when you were ill but would you have come to theirs? If you treat me like I'm worthless why would you expect me to value you.

I've always thought of plans as plans and not something that could be blown off at a whim. Maybe it's not that you lack these ideals but rather just see me as so worthless that they don't apply. I'm just a fling, even though you don't refer to it as that, it's how you think of it. Later on, you'll just tell people, "Oh, that's just some guy I had a fling with once", when I pass by. And like the pathetic person I am, I'm just going to take it all.

Maybe it's just me. I'm always just the guy that's good for showing off but unwanted otherwise. Girls always say sweet things but never actually mean them. The thing I hate most however, is that I can't do the same. I can't defend myself by devaluing you. My values hold me together and otherwise I'd be lost.